How to: Respect
Respect goes both ways. You are not respected if you don’t respect others too, its a fact of life. Same goes with children, If you don’t respect them as young people they won’t respect you as as a responsible adult. So how do you get the respect of your child and convince your family to respect your parenting processes. Lets have a look
First things first, consent. You can use age appropriate picture books, ask there permission any time there care requires them to undress for you, not really as a question but as a statement. Your showing them that you respect them enough to give them some control over themselves to an extent and it teaches them that others should to. This will also help protect them against predators who wish to do unsavoury things against your child. They need to learn as early as possible when something is wrong and that they can trust you to take them seriously. Respect means showing up when it counts, and others trusting you to tell you when to do so.
Secondly, hearing your child out is important. If you show your child some respect they will respect you, that means hearing your child out, acknowledging there opinions and explaining your perspective. I’ll say it again, having five minute chat about why that’s not a smart idea and a better way to do the same thing will become more effective over time than just saying no. Each time they repeat a similar mistake you ask ‘is that a smart idea?’ The answer is probably no, but it gets them to think logically about what there doing and if their reasoning makes sense to you let them continue in a safe way. That way your validating them, reenforcing a positive behaviour and showing that you respect there thoughts but experience has shown you a better way.
You also need to be consistent in respecting your child. You can’t say one thing and do the other, you san’t give them the impression that there are heard but not actually listen. Inconsistency in your respect for your child shower then that they don’t have to respect you all the time either. Actually you need to be consistent in your parenting end of story, a lack of consistency means that a child can’t rely on you. Consistency in how you raise your child and the boundaries you set for them within your family shows your child how you respect your family. It also demonstrates to your child how to set boundaries within there family and the expected behaviour. Understanding that boundary’s should be respected is important when trying to teach and model social skills, sticking up for yourself, respectfully is an important concept. It also helps behavioural issues that may arise during to a lack of understanding of one another’s wishes and needs.
I still see some families come though my centre who push for a ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mentality. I disagree and I don’t think that that’s an unpopular opinion, it impairs your ability as a parent to teach social skills and hinders emotional development, I don’t think I have to explain why those skills are important. Your child needs to learn social and emotional skills to become functioning adults ‘children should be seen and not heard’ does not teach these skills, regardless of what anyone says. It’s important to assert yourself as the parent, you and you alone have the final say as to how you wish to rase your child and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise, welcome advice on your terms not anyone else’s.
To conclude, show your child that you will listen to them understand what there talking about and that you expect the same from them. If family rejects this stance, assert yourself and tell them how its going to be. Look at the end of the day you are you child’s parent, no one can take that away from you. It’s always your call on what does and doesn’t fly.